One Christmas, my siblings, Dad, and I each received a Furby. Despite having seen the first two Terminator movies, we were surprisingly comfortable “feeding” them with our fingers in their plastic beaks. We taught them to speak, our faces close as they rolled their big, glossy eyes. The slogan was, “The more you play with me, the more I do!” I don’t remember now how far along mine got – I do remember Princess, our tuxedo cat, looking at me angrily while I was playing with it in the living room. Dad’s Furby got pretty advanced, though. That one might have been more unnerving if its feet had worked.

In one sense, the human ability to engage with our environment is a testament to how creative we are (anyone else remember Batteries Not Included? I’m sure that’s why my Roomba, Robbie, has googly eyes). But it can also make us susceptible to products that capitalize on our ingrained need for connection. Dating apps charge monthly fees for premium benefits while scammers catfish hopeful users.  Paro, a therapeutic baby seal that seeks eye contact and responds to cuddles, might calm dementia patients but can only offer the illusion of connection.

Even when there is a real person behind the screen, technological shifts are one element that has created the loneliness epidemic. Many of us rely on text, email, and apps to communicate with family and friends, and these asynchronous, screen-based ways of communicating are certainly easier than making plans.

Yet in 2023, Surgeon General Vivek Murthy warned that only 39% of Americans reported feeling deeply connected to others. Loneliness affects both mental and physical health; it increases the risks of anxiety, depression, heart disease, and stroke. The risk of premature death from chronic loneliness is similar to smoking 15 cigarettes daily.

We are wired for human connection. We are happier when we feel seen, heard, and acknowledged in real life. Relationships do not end life’s struggles, but supportive people increase your resilience and lower your stress when challenges arise. Our brains are so happy when we’re engaged with others; our physiological reactions are an evolutionary feature that got humanity this far.

How do you start making connections? Find where the people you like are – volunteer, join clubs, and play. Take a walk without headphones. Be open and curious. Know that you will say something wrong or call someone by a different name, and it will be okay. Being “in the mix” is how you set yourself up for connections of all types. You might create a deep, meaningful relationship, but even “weak ties” with cashiers, club members, baristas, and neighbors boost your mood and increase a sense of community.

It’s straightforward, but it’s not easy. If you feel like isolating at the mention of those ideas, take heart: there is always a way to connect with others. You can experience casual connections and the energy of being in communal space at the library, the grocery store, or a mall. Even if you say nothing to anyone else, your presence changes the experience for everyone there. It would not be the same without you.

You don’t have to be perfect. Showing up, offering encouragement, or simply sharing space with others is a great start. The experience is worth the effort, and there’s dignity in the try.

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