I was born in the 80s, when technology was just beginning to creep into everyday life. I remember the thrill of watching my dad play Super Mario Bros. on the original Nintendo and realizing that he was controlling the little guy on the screen. I remember inserting a floppy disk into the computer and typing strings of prompts to launch a computer game – a game that would send my kids wandering away in boredom.

Today, my oldest son loves to watch people play incredibly difficult Super Mario Maker levels on YouTube. And honestly, it blows my mind. I grew up with Mario – I went to school with Mario – and he does parkour and flies now. I was a pretty good gamer back in elementary school, but the things people do now are on another level! I know my limits. I’m content visiting my neighbors on Animal Crossing.

I could not have imagined what gaming would become, or what Facebook would become, or the countless careers that didn’t exist before technology became so accessible. One of those jobs is being an “influencer.”

Influencing is a fascinating concept.

 Influencers online spend their days showing us things we might want—new products, new skills, new ways of living. They read their audience, determine their motivations, and try to communicate why their followers should, well, follow them.

But if we look at it that way, and take influence out from behind the screen, we are all influencers. One tool that helps me (and my clients) understand this is the Circle of Concern, Influence, and Control diagram often attributed to Stephen Covey.

Imagine yourself in the center of a set of concentric circles. The closest circle contains what you control: your actions, your perspective, your values, your goals, etc. The next circle – the Circle of Influence – contains the people and situations where your influence is strongest. This might be several circles, and as the circles expand outward, your influence becomes lighter and more indirect (and the occupants of those circles have less influence over you).

The final circle – the Circle of Concern – contains things that are well outside your direct influence today. We care about things like climate change, politics, or the legal system. However, it often takes time, effort, and forsaking other values for an individual to move a concern into their Circle of Influence.   

Where people often run into trouble is when we confuse influence with control. We burn out when we try to force outcomes within the Circle of Influence. Sometimes, attempts at control come from a good place. I know in my own life, I’ll hear of something unjust in my Circles of Influence or Concern and catch myself thinking, “Someone should really do something about that.”

My brain quickly decides that I should be that someone.

It’s not malicious, but that instinct can be exhausting. It sets me up for disappointment when I try to control what isn’t mine.

But an IRL influencer is powerful. Influence makes an impact without accepting outsized responsibility for results. In fact, some of the most powerful changes happen when we lean into influence rather than forcing outcomes. The shift invites a sense of calm: you don’t have to control everything in order to make a difference.

So, I challenge you to sketch some circles of control, influence, and concern today. Think about the stressors of your day and categorize them according to the amount of control or influence you have over that person or situation. Are you attempting to influence someone who never responds? They may need to move into the Circle of Concern. Do concerns dominate your worries? Should you attempt to move them into the Circle of Influence through time and talent investments? Or should you look at Circle of Control, where your energy will make a greater impact?

At the end of the day, influence isn’t just for people on YouTube or Instagram. It’s for all of us. And when you give up controlling behaviors and recognize your influence, you just might change the world around you in ways that feel both meaningful and sustainable.

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